(it’s the) story of my life

mary jessica hammes has been working on my story for babygooroo.com.

it’s finally up.  go over and have a read, even if you think you already know it by heart.

click here to read pumping through chemotherapy at babygooroo.com

hamlet

tanya’s got another excellent post up at the motherwear breastfeeding blog.  today, she writes about the value of breastmilk in cancer treatment.

it’s been known for some time that a component of breastmilk, called human alpha-lactalbubin made lethal to tumor cells (HAMLET for short!) causes cancer cells to die.

you can read more of tanya’s post here and read what i did with my own breastmilk during my battle with cancer here.  tanya also ran a piece on my journey here.

what if no one’s watching

feed the animals

right down the middle of main street

what will you celebrate?

nugget and i spent the past three days celebrating the end of a successful round of chemo and our return to nursing.  disney doesn’t have a button for that, but we still had a fantastic experience.

our sincerest thanks and gratitude to the new parade cast and characters at the paradise pier breakfast. you all made our celebration absolutely magical.

pictures soon, i promise!

for auld lang syne, my dear

 

my sister’s one-day sister-in-law (i just know it!) tagged me in a facebook note, “end of year meme.”  it would have been sooo easy to use the majority of her answers because, dude, it’s like she wrote them just for me!  but, alas, she did not, so i’ve crafted my own responses just for you.

 

1. what did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
   was diagnosed with and treated for cancer

 

2. did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
   i don’t make them

 

3. did anyone close to you give birth?
   most recently, the greenes welcomed their twin girls

 

4. did anyone close to you die?
   i lost an old friend.  he was a great man.

 

5. what countries did you visit?
   chemoland.  it sucked.
   walt disney world

 

6. what would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
   energy and hair

 

7. what date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
   june 12^th, it was the last time i nursed my daughter before i started chemo

 

8. what was your biggest achievement of the year?
   resuming nursing after battling cancer

 

9. what was your biggest failure?
   having to stop nursing
   yes,  i realize that was beyond my control, but to me it felt like failure.

 

10. did you suffer illness or injury?
    yes

 

11. what was the best thing you bought?
    our new house

 

12. whose behavior merited celebration?
    my mother’s
    my husband’s
    my daughter’s

 

13. whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
    northern virginia’s drivers

 

14. where did most of your money go?
    our new house

 

15. what did you get really, really, really excited about?
    taking my daughter to disney for the first time

 

16. what song will always remind you of 2008?
    the hot dog song

 

17. compared to this time last year, are you:
    happier or sadder?  happier
    thinner or fatter?  fatter
    richer or poorer?  poorer

 

18. what do you wish you’d done more of?
    crafted more homemade gifts
    visited more friends
    blogged more
    taken more photos and video of my family and friends

 

19. what do you wish you’d done less of?
    had less cancer
    gained less weight

 

20. how did you spend christmas?
    at our new house with my husband’s parents, brother, sister-in-law, and my parents, grandparents, aunt & her family and her godparents & their family

 

21. did you fall in love in 2008?
    every day

 

22. how many one-night stands?
    (seriously?  this one i have to change to something more mommy blog- friendly)

 
what changes did you make to “green up” your lifestyle?
collected more reusable shopping bags and got my mom in the habit of using them, too
started a compost pile
chose a tankless hot water heater for the new house
 

23. what was your favorite tv show?
    lost

 

24. do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
    hate?  that’s much too strong of a word.

 

25. what was the best book you read?
    did i read any books?  i know i started reading anthony bourdain’s the nasty bits, but i can’t even remember if i’ve finished it. 

 

26. what was your greatest musical discovery?
    steve burns’ and the flaming lips’ steven drozd’s ” i hog the ground”
     

 

27. what did you want and get?
    to nurse my daughter again

 

28. what did you want and not get?
    skinnier faster

 

29. what was your favorite film of this year?
    this is the last question i answered because, honestly, i can’t remember watching any movie in its entirety aside from charlie wilson’s war. so i guess that’s it.  though if i’d had opportunity to watch the x-files: i want to believe, i’m sure that would have beat out charlie wilson.

 

30. what did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
    went to my birthday party, 35

 

31. what one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
    having more energy and less nausea after chemo

 

32. how would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
    chemo casual

 

33. what kept you sane?
    prozac and ativan

 

34. which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
    oh, how i love me some brit-brit.  girl is a spectacular disaster!

 

35. what political issue stirred you the most?
    the presidential election, though that was more of a circus then an issue

 

36. whom did you miss?
    my friends from orlando

 

37. who was the best new person you met?
    my chemo nurse, danna

 

38. tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
    this is your life, right now.  this is what you get.  stop preparing for “someday” and start living it the way you want to now.

 

39. quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
    “it’s a brand new day,  whatcha  waitin’ for?”

 

40. tag five people to post their answers to this 2008 wrap-up meme. please link back to this blog from yours.
    non-lucid drivel
    the twinkies
    motherhood and cancer
    life with the moonhils
    returnjourney

that’s all folks

 

here’s the big news:  as long as my next pet scan is clean (like the last one was) then i’m done.  no more chemo, no radiation.  done.

what this means for us right now is nugget can nurse again.  amen!

the glamorous life

i’m almost bald.  i only shower every few days.  as soon as the nausea ends the muscle pain starts.  then comes the bone pain.  after that subsides then it’s time to start all over again.  i give nugget everything i have regardless of the overwhelming exhaustion.

this is the reality in our home.  this is what my cancer looks like.  this is how my daughter copes with my illness.

like the deserts miss the rain

oh, how i miss the simplicity of our nursing days.  life without breastfeeding is hard, and cancer certainly isn’t making it any easier.  crying was limited to brief moments following boo boos and over-tired minutes post car seat strap-ins.  it was never part of naptime or bedtime.  a balanced diet was effortless.

i never knew the struggle of naptime.  now i have to walk and rock nugget in my arms or in a peanut shell while she chews on a pacifier, maybe holds her blanket and always twiddles at least one nipple.  at night we lather, rinse, repeat or if i’m really lucky we just lay down and she holds on to each boob, binky clenched between her teeth and drifts off, dreaming of nursing i imagine.

i never knew a picky toddler.  whenever nugget was hungry or thirsty the milk bar was always open.  trying new and different foods was fun instead of stressful.  nugget’s tummy was never upset.  her favorite snack was always handy.  we never had to pack a meal to go out.

i did at least have a few weeks and the foresight to work in the concept of “kisses make boo boos all better.”  nugget still kisses my port and scars everyday.  recently she’s added my breasts to her fix-it list and kisses and hugs them all day long.  she’s trying her best to make mommy all better with her kisses, because she knows that’s when she can have her nursies back.