You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘hodgkin’s lymphoma’ tag.

(but not) to do what i want any ol’ time. i’m just unhooked momentarily from tubes, which i have to say, is in fact,  heavenly.  i’m also really tired a can’t feel my way to type.  so here’s the round ‘up you’ve all been eagerly awaiting and hoping against hope for.

november 15,  a sunday, i checked into casa doyle for some amazing fun, food and frivolity.  seriously, i could totally live there as the non-participating sister wife.  dude, everyone needs a housewife and my dearest of friends does not disappoint.  there was coffee ready every morning.  we cooked breakfast, went out to lunches, ordered in for fun and made some spectacular dinners.  mostly i just stood there when the spectacular dinners were emerging.  there were two mammas, two nurslings, and (eventually two) very happy daddies with ex-disney girls for wives. 

monday, november 16th through wednesday, november 18th my amazing friend drove me to the pathology lab that does stem cell harvesting.  thursday, november 19th i was admitted here to the bmt (bone marrow transplant) unit.  all bmt units are generally still referred to as such since autologous and donor stem cell transplants are relatively new.  well, new enough not rename the units yet.my havest days were uneventful.  so was my check-in day.then day -5 (11/20) i started high-dose ICE chemo.  that lasted through the weekend and finished up on the early pat of day-2 (11/24).  the days -2 and -1 were mostly fluids and resting, and let me tell you, plenty of barfing.  nasty!

i got my stem cells back on wednesday, november 25, day 0.

we’re at day +3, and it’s saturday, november 28th.  i spiked a high fever last night, as was expected at some point.  i got all of my lines, blood and urine cultures right away.  then i woke up after a few hours of iv antibiotics and needed some benadryl to combat the red man syndrome i was suffering.

so there it is, my life in a nutshell so far.  i’m sure i missed plenty and didn’t talk any about the hospital drama with nugget visiting, but they’ve already beaten me back to a half slumber with the benadryl and reconnected me while i typed.

more to come, i promise!

my blog is not a goldfish.  i didn’t forget you were here, waiting for the little flakes to fall like tears from a star.

i’ve spent the better part of today looking for myself, wondering what happened to me, if i might remember, and so that i don’t forget again.  there have just been so many days in such a very long row that i’ve been lost, lost to myself, to my family, my friends, my neighbors, to you.

this afternoon i put in a few more hours working on my office.  i found some of my tools in the garage.  i’d missed calling them mine.  i found spools of ribbon in a cabinet and remembered the christmases, birthdays and weddings i’d gotten them for.  i hung rolls of pretty wrapping paper on freshly painted rods while listening to music i hadn’t heard in far too long.  i heard forgotten memories in long-loved lyrics and found little bits of myself tucked into drawers, hidden away in boxes and slid between the pages of books.

the room isn’t finished and neither am i.  i have so many things to do.  i hear a thousand projects and unanswered thoughts calling my name.  perhaps it’s here, in my own space, that i’ll be able to sort through them all.

i had a pet scan this morning.  it should determine if i am in remission.  it’s unheard results are weighing heavily on my heart and mind.  it’s hard to focus when there’s so much to see through.

i still need help to get through most days, somtimes paralyzed by a fear that hangs on to me like a shadow.  it’s hard to ask for help day after day.  it’s hard to watch myself being consumed or idly slipping away.  but even though i might not be all there, i am still here, waiting, just like you.

tonight, i’m going out with the ladies from our neighborhood for what they’ve aptly named “ladies’ night.”  i’ve been terribly depressed for a good while now, so hopefully this will provide me with a much needed, albeit short, mental respite.

it’s hard to blog when i’m depressed.  you can gauge my state of mind for yourself just by the frequency of my posts.

monday, i go back to inova loudoun for the week for my last dose of eshap chemo before my transplant.  no, cancer doesn’t get labor day off.

well, not exactly. just got the news that i’ll have to do a fourth chemo before my transplant. this is going to be a short post so i don’t swear a lot in front of my grandparents. ugh.

i know, i know, i have been seriously blog-negligent. if you’re really getting desperate during one of my unforseen hiatuses, just check my twitter feed on the left sidebar under “tweet, tweet.” that should entertain you.

so, after nugget’s tantie left, her aunt katie and uncle “hibbip” (phillip) came for a visit. nuggetdaddy and i made it up for jenny’s show in alexandria. then my mom from florida came for her turn at casa de bits. nuggetdaddy and i both celebrated birthdays.

now, i’m back in the hospital enjoying a week of chemo, hopefully my last before my transplant. my pet scan was good. the report says “virtually no (cancer cell) activity,” that the site of involvement is “1/2 to 1/3 the size” from the previous scan and there is “comparably less (lymph) nodal involvement.”

i’ve just had 10mg of ambien, so i should be checking out soon. i’ll try to blog again in the morning. peace!

i just finished my last bag of chemo.  i should be discharged in the morning.  so far, no transfusion necessary.  i guess we’ll find out for certain tomorrow.

well, cancer patients for one.  and i finally got some last night courtesy of some ambien.  a little phenergan & ativan combo caught me a few more hours this morning. 

now i’m anxiously awaiting the arrival for my friend dr. t., who’s bringing me panera for lunch.

nuggetdaddy brought me z pizza yesterday and it was heavenly.  it was the first real food i’d eaten in days.

i’ve been getting visitors, but everyone seems to come at the same time, so i have lots of long drawn out periods of boredom. 

the steroid jitters are the worst of it this time, next being the nausea, but that’s fairly well controlled.  i might have to have a transfusion before i go home, whihc will likely be tomorrow, but today’s hemoglobin went up so maybe not!

nuggetdaddy is running all around the state of virginia today for work, so i will only get to see nugget once and not unitl this evening.  bummer.

nugget and nuggetdaddy just left from their second visit today.  poor nugget is starting to get sad when she has to leave now.  ugh!   it just breaks my heart.  we try to focus her attention on going to see her friends and getting to eat a piece of candy once she gets in her carseat.  but, we can clearly see that she’s missing her mama a lot now.

my dear friend barbara visited me today.  she brought disney couture bracelets for nugget and me.  so sweet and just gorgeous (just like her)!

the steroids are really starting to get to me.  i have lots of nervous energy and have a hard time sitting still, despite the fact that i don’t exactly have loads of energy.  i had an ativan nap this afternoon and plan to have another one tonight with phenergan.

the nausea has really kicked in and my appetite is pretty much gone.  that’s okay though.  all i have to do is drink fluids.  i won’t be starving to death anytime soon.

okay, dear readers, that’s the best i can slap together for you right now.  have a good night!

this afternoon i was admitted to loudoun hospital for my second dose of eshap chemotherapy.  i’m trying my best to stay focused and positive, and not get dragged down by the knowledge of what’s to come.

nugget and nuggetdaddy are here with me the entire week this time.  they are staying with our amazing friends, kristie and brian,and their two little girls who live super close to the hospital, again.  i am so thankful to have such awesome friends and happy that nugget will have “the other mommy” to look after her. 

it’s really challenging being an ap mama while trapped in the hospital.  were he in the room, nuggetdaddy would remind me that that’s what daddies are for.  i’m so lucky to have a partner in parenting that shares the same goals and ideals as me.  i know staying at home would be easier for him.  i’m glad he’s got not only nugget’s, but my best interest at heart.

i’m too scatterbrained at the moment to write a long “yeah me!” post, so you’ll have to check back after the drugs kick in.

peace!

that’s where this week has gone. my sister went home. two of my friends received cancer diagnoses. my hair hurts and it’s decided now is the time to fall out.

i go back to the hospital on monday for dose number two of eshap chemotherapy. of course i am dreading it. i hate knowing that i’m going to feel like shit, and i think it’s worse this time because i know just exactly how shitty.

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