(it’s the) story of my life

mary jessica hammes has been working on my story for babygooroo.com.

it’s finally up.  go over and have a read, even if you think you already know it by heart.

click here to read pumping through chemotherapy at babygooroo.com

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hamlet

tanya’s got another excellent post up at the motherwear breastfeeding blog.  today, she writes about the value of breastmilk in cancer treatment.

it’s been known for some time that a component of breastmilk, called human alpha-lactalbubin made lethal to tumor cells (HAMLET for short!) causes cancer cells to die.

you can read more of tanya’s post here and read what i did with my own breastmilk during my battle with cancer here.  tanya also ran a piece on my journey here.

one day will flash and send you crashing through the ceiling

why did i wake up at 4:30 am? why am i having nightsweats again? are they real or is the bed heater just too warm? is it simply more chemo-induced menopausal hot flashes or is it cancer?

wednesday’s results are really now just hours away. well, lots of hours, but still just hours now, and completely swallowing me whole.

we have a new pup. while i type, he lays next to me twitching with little doggie hiccups. he’s like a big, white, furry painkiller, sedative and heating pad all in one. now i understand animal therapy.

dogs need jobs, activities that will fill their days, occupy their thoughts and fulfill their sense of duty. mars knows his now. he takes care of me in my craziest of moments, naps at my side, escorts me downstairs at 3am and would undoubtedly protect me from even the slightest threat.

sure, he’d rather be chasing cats instead of being forced to “give them kisses!” or playing with the neighborhood dogs instead of learning to politely ignore the most exciting thing he sees all day, but he’s happily settling into his routine.

i wish i could bring him to all of my oncological appointments. i know he’ll be here waiting anxiously for me to get home, regardless of wednesday’s results. he’ll be more excited to see me than anyone else and couldn’t care less about how my scan went. mars is only interested in a pet if it starts on his head and trails down his back. good dog.

ladies’ night

tonight, i’m going out with the ladies from our neighborhood for what they’ve aptly named “ladies’ night.”  i’ve been terribly depressed for a good while now, so hopefully this will provide me with a much needed, albeit short, mental respite.

it’s hard to blog when i’m depressed.  you can gauge my state of mind for yourself just by the frequency of my posts.

monday, i go back to inova loudoun for the week for my last dose of eshap chemo before my transplant.  no, cancer doesn’t get labor day off.

snap my life

it’s hard for me to blog wen i’m home from the hospital, have chemo brain and family staying with us to help.  so, this morning i snapped a bunch of garden pics for my twitter feed.  check those out here and follow me on twitter, subscribe to or watch my twitter feed, “tweet, tweet” on the sidebar when you’re waiting for me to blog.

blood of my blood

so, today i get to have a transfusion. yeah, me! maybe i’ll have more to say about it after i’ve had it. wish me luck.

third time’s a charm?

well, not exactly. just got the news that i’ll have to do a fourth chemo before my transplant. this is going to be a short post so i don’t swear a lot in front of my grandparents. ugh.

back in the saddle

i know, i know, i have been seriously blog-negligent. if you’re really getting desperate during one of my unforseen hiatuses, just check my twitter feed on the left sidebar under “tweet, tweet.” that should entertain you.

so, after nugget’s tantie left, her aunt katie and uncle “hibbip” (phillip) came for a visit. nuggetdaddy and i made it up for jenny’s show in alexandria. then my mom from florida came for her turn at casa de bits. nuggetdaddy and i both celebrated birthdays.

now, i’m back in the hospital enjoying a week of chemo, hopefully my last before my transplant. my pet scan was good. the report says “virtually no (cancer cell) activity,” that the site of involvement is “1/2 to 1/3 the size” from the previous scan and there is “comparably less (lymph) nodal involvement.”

i’ve just had 10mg of ambien, so i should be checking out soon. i’ll try to blog again in the morning. peace!

who needs sleep?

well, cancer patients for one.  and i finally got some last night courtesy of some ambien.  a little phenergan & ativan combo caught me a few more hours this morning. 

now i’m anxiously awaiting the arrival for my friend dr. t., who’s bringing me panera for lunch.

nuggetdaddy brought me z pizza yesterday and it was heavenly.  it was the first real food i’d eaten in days.

i’ve been getting visitors, but everyone seems to come at the same time, so i have lots of long drawn out periods of boredom. 

the steroid jitters are the worst of it this time, next being the nausea, but that’s fairly well controlled.  i might have to have a transfusion before i go home, whihc will likely be tomorrow, but today’s hemoglobin went up so maybe not!

nuggetdaddy is running all around the state of virginia today for work, so i will only get to see nugget once and not unitl this evening.  bummer.

you are my shining star

nugget and nuggetdaddy just left from their second visit today.  poor nugget is starting to get sad when she has to leave now.  ugh!   it just breaks my heart.  we try to focus her attention on going to see her friends and getting to eat a piece of candy once she gets in her carseat.  but, we can clearly see that she’s missing her mama a lot now.

my dear friend barbara visited me today.  she brought disney couture bracelets for nugget and me.  so sweet and just gorgeous (just like her)!

the steroids are really starting to get to me.  i have lots of nervous energy and have a hard time sitting still, despite the fact that i don’t exactly have loads of energy.  i had an ativan nap this afternoon and plan to have another one tonight with phenergan.

the nausea has really kicked in and my appetite is pretty much gone.  that’s okay though.  all i have to do is drink fluids.  i won’t be starving to death anytime soon.

okay, dear readers, that’s the best i can slap together for you right now.  have a good night!