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it is with great trepidation that i set about this task.  aunt becky at mommy wants vodka has challenged the interwebs to a john c. mayer-ing festival.  whom to choose…. rando celebrity du jour?  mais, non.  a celebrity i adore… but of course!  so off i go, on my journey to the john c. mayer-dom of josh kilmer-purcell.

okay, let’s talk about why i chose poor josh kilmer-purcell as the brunt of my prank on the internets (mainly google’s seo algorithm).   first of all, i love, love, love josh kilmer-purcell.  josh kilmer-purcell is wicked entertaining.  josh kilmer-purcell and his hotty mcsmarty-pants doctor hubs, dr. brent ridge of her holiness martha stewart fame (squee!), are the fabulous beekman boys.  the fabulous beekman boys, which airs on planet green is always hilarious, witty, beautiful, often poignant and, well, of course fabulous.  josh kilmer-purcell‘s television show is my new crack.  if i were a gay man, or any man for that matter, i would absolutely want to be josh kilmer-purcell.  or maybe dr. brent ridge, because he is josh kilmer-purcell‘s man-of-interest.  let me think some more about that one…  josh kilmer-purcell and dr. brent ridge are both smart, funny and hot, so i could go both ways.  (“that’s what she said!”)

josh kilmer-purcell is a super witty author.  josh kilmer-purcell has published three fanfuckingtastic books, i am not myself these days, candy everybody wantsand the bucolic plague.  i suggest you click on over to amazon.com and order all three of the new york times bestselling author josh kilmer-purcell’s books.  click right here for josh kilmer-purcell’s books on amazon.com!  on josh kilmer-purcell’s super fabulous lifestyle brand beekman1802 website, josh kilmer-purcell lists instructions for having one’s copy of the bucolic plague signed by both josh kilmer-purcell and dr. brent ridge.  i am giddy with motherfucking delight over the prospect of this actually happening, but fear that once josh kilmer-purcell gets wind of this john c. mayer-ing business, josh kilmer-purcell will just drop my copy of the bucolic plague into the undoubtedly super stylish trash can behind the desk of josh kilmer-purcell and dr. brent ridge’s beekman 1802 mercantile in sharon springs, new york.  sigh.

now that you’re up to speed on who josh kilmer-purcell and dr. brent ridge, the fabulous beekman boys, are, let’s talk about all of the things i possibly have in common with josh kilmer-purcell.  and by “talk” i mean you sit here and read my incessant rambling about josh kilmer-purcell and myself and pretend like you see any sort of comparable similarities.  got it?  so first and foremost is the fact that josh kilmer-purcell and i have both have spent a lot of time dressing up in sparkly fabulous costumes.  josh kilmer-purcell used to perform as a drag queen.  i used to perform at walt disney world, with a lot of drag queens.  whoa!  did you see how drag queens just snuck into the conversation?!  i bet drag queens come up a lot when one is talking about, or even to, josh kilmer-purcell.  josh kilmer-purcell’s amazing book, i am not myself these days, is a memoir of josh kilmer-purcell’s escapades as “aquadisiac” and all of the fun josh kilmer-purcell had being aqua, a very glittery lady who wore a bra with goldfish in the cups.  i totally had goldfish when i was a kid.  sweet!  another point for me in my pursuit of comparison to josh kilmer-purcell.  and since we’re keeping score, john c. mayer has neither written a book, let alone three, nor worn an aquarium bra.  if i’m wrong on either account, john c. mayer feel free to post a response and i’ll retract that statement.

josh kilmer-purcell, 5 (1 for each book + 1 for each fish).  john c. mayer, 0.

(side note, to prove i really do love all things beekman boys and josh kilmer-purcell-related, i am watching the beekman1802.com live goat cam while writing this and, oh my god! i just saw josh kilmer-purcell’s llama, polka spot!  polka spot has a sweet new haircut… there she is again! i can see her fluffy tail!!! and goats!!  i wonder if i’ll see josh kilmer-purcell and dr. brent ridge’s goat farmer, farmer john?  or josh kilmer-purcell?  or dr. brent ridge?  i think i might pee myself a little if i did.)

alright.  besides wearing wigs, (did i mention wigs?) women’s clothing, performing in front of live audiences and goldfish-keeping, what else have i got in common with the illustrious mr. josh kilmer-purcell?  josh kilmer-purcell is a serious real life writer, so natch he has a blog.  hey, i have a blog!  hey, i have two blogs!  two more points for me.  i, however, am not a serious writer.  i am a mommyblogger who writes about her kid.  josh kilmer-purcell blogs about kids, too.  betcha thought i was about to lose a point there, huh?  better watch it or i’ll start taking points away from you.

did you know that i used to live in manhattan?  and that that’s where i met my hubs?  bam!  just like that, two more things that are exactly the same for me and josh kilmer-purcell.  is this too easy?  how about we both love gardening?  and composting?  and growing our own food?  and cooking?

josh kilmer-purcell once prepared food for jean-georges vongerichten and i once made a tart from a recipe by jean-georges vongerichten.  jeez, it’s like six degrees of kevin bacon with me and josh kilmer-purcell.

time to wrap it up and put this john c. mayer into action, folks.  josh kilmer-purcell is an ad man.  i used to be an ad girl.  in new york.  i know, right!  score!

and for the win, here we go: vodka.  yes, vodka is what puts a big, silky, red, hand-tied, martha stewart bow on top of this whole john c. mayer.  if aunt becky had named her blog something like, say, bring me a brandy, bitch! i probably would have skipped on over to something else.  but vodka is a drink i can get behind.  this mommy certainly wants vodka, too.  and josh kilmer-purcell also loves vodka!  touchdown.

final score:

josh kilmer-purcell, 8,387,216,387

me, 16

john c. mayer, still 0

(ps. please don’t hate me josh kilmer-purcell.  you and brent are genuine heroes of mine.  second only to martha stewart.)

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updated saturday, september 18, 2010, 1:28am to add:

it appears that if you google both josh kilmer-purcell and dr. brent ridge then this post about josh kilmer-purcell comes in at #5 on google’s first page.  would john c. mayer consider this success?

screencap:

======================================

updated again to add this screencap taken saturday, september 18, 2010 at 10:30am for the google search “josh kilmer-purcell” and “dr. brent” in which this blog comes up as both #4 and #5!

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mary jessica hammes has been working on my story for babygooroo.com.

it’s finally up.  go over and have a read, even if you think you already know it by heart.

click here to read pumping through chemotherapy at babygooroo.com

last year stand up to cancer asked me if i remembered what i was doing on september 11th, 2001. i did. i still do. this is what i wrote:

click here to read “castles are burning in my heart”


and speaking of stand up to cancer, did you watch the telecast last night?  did you donate?  did you help find a cure?  did you save lives? did you stand up to cancer.  there’s still time. click here to donate or text STAND to 4020 to give $10.

in seven days stand up 2 cancer will return to primetime. on september 10, 2010, at 8pm eastern and pacific, and 7pm central the one-hour fundraising event will be simulcast live and commercial-free on abc, cbs, fox, nbc, bio, discovery health, e!, g4, hbo, hbo latino, mlb network, mun2, showtime, smithsonian channel, the style network, tv one, and vh1.  it doesn’t matter which network you choose, as long as you choose to watch.

the 2008 telecast was viewed in more than 170 countries and helped raise over $100 million.  just like the 2008 broadcast, this year’s telecast will feature live performances by legendary recording artists and presentations by stars from film, television and sports, presenting content that offers viewers insights into cancer.

su2c aims to build continuing public support and donations for cutting-edge cancer research.  100% of all donations received from the public will go directly to cancer research.  viewers will be able to donate via phone, internet or text.  it doesn’t matter how you choose to donate, as long as you donate.

in fact, you can donate directly through my stand up 2 cancer team right here, right now.  my team has raised nearly $6000.  nearly.

you can choose to make a difference today.  you can can choose to make a difference on september 10th.  i hope you’ll choose both.  but it doesn’t matter which day you choose, as long as you stand up 2 cancer.

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