oh, what a night!

 

last night was rough!  nugget, ever the fan of routines, has taken to developing her own late night-waking agenda.  i think the wakings might be spurred by nightmares.  i’m fairly certain last night’s was.

it starts with the wake up and is followed by the insistance that we exit the bed.  she then drags me into the kitchen, usually with the request for tea.  that’s right, i said tea.

sippy cup in hand, she instructs me to sit on the kik-step, saying,  “mama!  mama! up!” while smacking the stool where i should sit.  after a few swigs of tea, she’s on to the next task.  “mama.  up!  up!” she bellows while dancing around the kitchen near the cake dome.  there are doughnuts under that dome.  she knows.  she wants them.  now.  up i pick her and she squeals, “do-duts!”

it’s 12:30 or 2:15 or 3:45 am and i don’t care what she wants to eat as long as she eats it quickly and we can go back to bed.  soon.  “mimmie!  mimmie!”  doduts must be eaten with her minnie mouse fork.  i hope it’s clean.  we find mimmie and put her dodut on a plate.  “mama!  up!”  back on the stool i sit and she eats.

“mama, up!”  she runs into tiny apartment’s living room and smacks the coffe table.  this is where we should finish eating doduts with mimmie.  “maaahmuhhh!” she coos lovingly.  i thank her, but insist i am really not hungry for doduts at this hour.  unacceptable!  i pretend to eat bites of dodut.

“mama!  mama!  up!”  she escorts me into tiny apartment’s pantry/laundry room.  it is time to graze.  “hmmmm…” she ponders the many choices on the wire shelves.  it’s usually some organic, animal-shaped cracker or cookie that she chooses.  after a few of those i beg to return to the bedroom.

some nights are better than others.  this did not at all go well last night.  there was screaming and crying and pleading.  i think she was not only afraid of the earlier nightmare, but also had some horrible gas pains that were terrifying her.  i finally got her to agree to sleeping on me in her nursing chair.  i hope the neighbors got back to sleep quickly.

our house, in the middle of our street

don’t tell me

don’t tell me i don’t have cancer anymore or that i “just have chemo” now.

don’t tell me to go outside and get some fresh air when i can’t be in the sun.

don’t tell me that taking a shower will make me feel better when my skin hurts too much to touch.

don’t tell me that i have the “good” kind of cancer unless you’ve had it and know how “good” it is.

don’t tell me how nicely shaped my bald head is.

don’t tell me how tired you are.

don’t tell me you’ll be there for me and then not follow through.

don’t tell me your medical opinion unless you’re my oncologist.

don’t tell me how to be me. you aren’t.

the best laid plans

 

it’s difficult keeping up with a toddler all day.  it’s really difficult when you have cancer.  we have to start doing something different, for everyone’s sanity.  sure, people come to help, here and there, but it isn’t enough.  there are simply too many days when i can’t manage on my own.  we’ve got to find a solution.

we’re working on plans right now, plans for our house, plans for our lives, plans for my treatment.  it’s challenging figuring out how all the pieces of each individual puzzle are going to fit into the big picture.

we have to start splitting our time between here and there, “here” being where we live and “there” being where we will live.  down there we’ll be with my parents who will help with nugget and nugget daddy won’t have to “commute” two and a half hours.  i’ll be able to keep an eye on the house construction and bring a steady flow of coffee and doughnuts to the site.  up here i’ll continue with my treatment at my oncologist and we’ll keep nugget happily enrolled in her gymboree class.

tomorrow is my birthday.  so come life, let’s see what plans you’ve got for me this year.

mother’s milk, the b side

today, the motherwear breastfeeding blog is running a compilation piece of mine.  i’m so honored and excited!  if you haven’t subscribed to that blog yet, i highly recommend it.

and since we’re already talking about me, here’s what some other people have had to say about me recently:

going for the gold – world breastfeeding week 2008
pure love
you’re going to cry
what love looks like

i want to believe

 

at thursday’s chemo i got the results of last week’s ct and pet scans.  both scans were clear!  this is excellent news.  it means that i will finish out my six cycles of abvd, get scanned again, and as long as everything is still clear i will not have to do any radiation.

nugget had her arm x-rayed thursday before i went to chemo and her degree of fracture has gone from three to thirteen.  while still within the acceptable range for her age, we’re hoping to see some improvement at next week’s x-ray.  if it gets over fifteen degrees then they’ll have to remove her cast and set it.  my poor baby girl!

this week, nugget’s grandma nettie is here visiting.  they’re having a most excellent time playing together!  this morning we got some super cute photos of nugget that i’ll be sure to post sometime next week.

nugget’s tantie sent me the most delicious homemade chocolate chip cookies this week.  i’ve put nugget daddy under strict orders not to eat them all.

last week nugget’s grandmamie and grandad celebrated their twenty-eighth wedding anniversary.  wow!  grandad’s birthday was also celebrated and next week is nugget daddy’s birthday and my birthday.  squee!  we’re really busy with the gifting in august.  i’m hoping to take nugget daddy to dinner and a movie, the x-files: i want to believe.  i asked for a party.  we’ll see what actually happens.

 

 

 

my dear, sweet friend, krista, is getting married today in california.  it breaks my heart that i’m not able to be there to share her special day.  i can’t wait to see all the pictures and hear all about her and jeff’s fabulous honeymoon in greece.  i wish them both a lifetime of happiness together!

this time the hunter

hunter, miss d and emma‘s mamas all used to be disney girls with me.  hunter is the latest and greatest in my flock of lovely ladies who’ve donated their hair to locks of love.

i am so proud of you, hunter!  your mommy sure is raising you to be a wonderful person with a kind spirit and genuine thoughtfulness for others.  i love your new ‘do!

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if you’re considering donating your hair.  download the hair donation form and include a note on it about my blog’s drive.

i hope you’ll encourage your friends and family to do so as well.  let your stylist know and ask them to spread the word.

certainly a very kind undertaking

 

  

emma donated ten inches this past wednesday!  look at those gorgeous curly locks.  i just adore her new tousled summertime look!  i’m so proud of you emma!  what a wonderful little lady you are growing up to be.

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if you’re considering donating your hair.  download the hair donation form and include a note on it about my blog’s drive.

i hope you’ll encourage your friends and family to do so as well.  let your stylist know and ask them to spread the word.

jenny from the block

 

  

 

miss d’s dear friend just donated her shiny, golden tresses this week.  what a little doll she is!  here’s what her mama wrote to me:

“attached is a picture of my jenny. she is 7 years old and is great friends with darienne.  she decided a while a go she wanted to grow her hair and donate it (i didn’t even know she knew about it).  she was soooo excited to get it cut.  we went today and she was the star of the salon when she had them cut her hair.  her total was 11 inches of beautiful blond hair.  i watched her sleep the other night with her long, wavy blond hair on the pillow and almost cried since i knew it would soon be gone.  i did cry when she cut it today.  on the way home she said  she loved her new shorter cut and was so happy she could do this.  i was so proud of her.  she now has a sassy little bob that matches her personality!!  her grandma died 2 years ago from mantle cell lymphoma (at 69 years old) so i guess that may have been an influence on her, not to mention her aunt donated to locks of love as well.  good luck with your battlem  – keep on fighting!!!

— nancy”

nancy, thank you so much for your kind words. i’m so sorry for your family’s loss, and i am so deeply touched by your daughter selfless act of giving and generosity.  i know how proud you are of her, please let her know that i am, too!

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if you’re considering donating your hair.  download the hair donation form and include a note on it about my blog’s drive.

i hope you’ll encourage your friends and family to do so as well.  let your stylist know and ask them to spread the word.

you bettah plurk!

 

non-lucid drivel, aka images by jeri, has lured me in to her web of plurks. the plurkiverse, so vast and wide, is ridiculously entertaining.

here, you can see snapshots of my existance. there, you can plug in to a real time feed of my daily comings and goings, like a freaky little bits of myself junkie.

aren’t you just dying to know what i might be doing at 8:49 am, 2:43 pm and, say, 7:38 pm?  what i’m having for dinner?  what i think of the current primetime network hdtv offerings?  what package just got delivered?  think of the excitement!

if plurk and wordpress were better friends, then i’d have a nifty little widget like the on you see here, somewhere in my sidebar.  but they aren’t.  and wordpress isn’t trying to make any new friends.  so you’ll just have to settle for the ugly rss feed of my plurks.

so now i invite you, gentle reader, to plurk along with me.  see just what the plurk i’m plurking about at: http://www.plurk.com/user/bitsofmyself.